How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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