4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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