vagina is talking i cant
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize