in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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