He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
