Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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