i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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