I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
