She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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