Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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