He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
