We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
