Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
