he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
