for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
