p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
