What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
