I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Of course I have a pirate flag
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
