some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
