My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
