I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
