My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
