naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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