my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
