Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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