i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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