Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
