She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
