I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
