I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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