Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
