I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
