I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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