I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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