I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
