I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
