absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
