when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
