Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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