My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
