I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
