Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
