Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize