Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
