so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
