Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
