Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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