she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize