Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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