i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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