"it" just moved
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
