so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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