I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
