I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
