You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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