We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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