I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
