i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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