so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
