plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All the doctor said was why
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
