Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
