I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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