gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
