true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
