went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
