dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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