just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
