Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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