Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Are my feet made of real feet?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
