I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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