like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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