once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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