He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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