Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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