I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
