i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize