Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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