Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
