i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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