he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
