she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize