She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
