At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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