call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
