Sober January is a disaster.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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