think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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