He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
