u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize