Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
