Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
