Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
