The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
