she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize