I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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