ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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