why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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