You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
